WE'RE RUNNING AGAIN!
Jim and Tim, the Duct Tape Guys (tm) ran for President in 2000 and again in 2004 on the Duct Tape Party Ticket. Needless to say, they lost (probably because they told folks to stick a piece of duct tape on their ballots to indicate their vote, and all that did was gum up the voting machines in Florida - we're SO sorry about that one!). But, 2008 is near, and Jim and Tim will once again strive for the betterment of all Americans by rolling our the Duct Tape Party.
Be a responsible citizen! Study up on your candidate choices by reading their platforms (ours is below) and then VOTE!
ALL THAT AILS AMERICA CAN BE FIXED WITH DUCT TAPE
"We feel that duct tape is the universal panacea. It is our feeling that duct tape, being the ultimate power tool, can fix anything. There are a lot of tough questions facing us as American's today.
And, like duct tape, these questions can get kind of sticky. They mostly have no black or white answers--the answers are all kind of gray... you know, like duct tape.
Maybe there's a reason for that."
DUCT TAPE & OUR EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM:
"Duct tape is gender neutral--women can use it equally as well as men. This represents inclusiveness and we know that inclusiveness is a hot buzz word come election time. The use of duct tape is not limited to any socio-economic group. In our studies, we have found prolific use of duct tape in the heart of the inner city as well as in the most-affluent suburb; it helps hold together both the urban high rise office buildings and the barns of rural America."
"A roll of duct tape should be given to every child before they are out of their cribs. It encourages creativity, resourcefulness, and encourages kids to read because they will want a copy of The Duct Tape Book(s) where they can learn more about their roll of duct tape."
DUCT TAPE & THE DRUG PROBLEM:
"Much of our crime is drug related. We believe that when every man, woman, and child is supplied with government issued duct tape, they will develop such a feeling of satisfaction from learning how to repair stuff with the silvery wonder tape, that they will develop a duct tape 'high', if you will. Since the government subsidizes duct tape to all people, they won't have to commit crimes in order to satisfy their addiction. And they will be saving money both by not buying drugs and from all of the stuff that they didn't have to replace because they fixed it with duct tape. So then they'll have more money to put back into the economy. It's a circular kind of thing... like a roll of duct tape."
DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY REVISITED
Check out how we've fixed up the Department of Homeland Security idea with Duct Tape. click here
We're always willing to talk with the media about how duct tape can improve the world.
Click here to get to our media briefing room.
DUCT TAPE & THE BUDGET DEFICIT:
"Government waste stops dead when stuff is repaired with duct tape. As President, we will personally see to it that broken government stuff is fixed quickly and efficiently with the ultimate power tool-duct tape. No more $2000.00 toilets for the Pentagon--just a few strategically placed strips of duct tape will keep the plumbing functional."
ON FOREIGN AFFAIRS POLICY:
"Much of the world is sadly unfamiliar with duct tape. If, the United States gives rolls of duct tape instead of federal aid, we will be helping the world to help itself. When faced with a seemingly unsurmountable problem, nations can get together around the round table and think about creative ways to disarm dangerous situations with duct tape."
ON THEIR RUNNING MATE:
The Office of President is too big a position for any one person, therefore, Jim and Tim will share the Presidency. "The Vice President really doesn't do that much anyway, and we can use the extra office to warehouse extra duct tape rolls."
UNITED WE STAND
"We have to. We’re duct taped together!"
- Jim and Tim
ON THE WHITE HOUSE:
"We'll rename it the Gray House and cover the whole thing with duct tape, so it will not be exposed to harmful acid rain and other damaging elements--repairs will be a lot cheaper, and it will be a fitting tribute to the product that truly holds this great land together."
ON THE OVAL OFFICE:
"In a duct tape world, oval is bad - it's like an old, mistreated roll of duct tape. We'll make it round... like a fresh roll of duct tape."
POINT OF INTEREST:
"Bush doesn’t have any books that we know of - heck, he can't even form a simple sentence.
We have SEVEN books (eight if you count our WD-40 Book) and over a decade of Page-A-Day® Calendars!
It doesn’t take a village to figure out who would make a better candidate!"
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